LEGUME VACUUM

 

Hermaphroditus Machina

By June Muldoon

June Muldoon – a woman whom, once saw her life as dark and doomed. Her future loomed in the empty gloom of her tiny damp maroon walled room.

 

But one afternoon – at her weaving loom, in that tiny room, more like a tomb, that June and her favorite male baboon, verbally communed...

 

The baboon, who drew food he wished to consume, had cartoon pictures bestrewn across the room of prunes, legumes and Crab Rangoon.

 

June, whom had never heard of Crab Rangoon, but recognized the prunes and legumes asked the baboon, “What’s best to consume?”

 

The baboon crooned,” I do, indeed impugn the prune and prefer legumes - I’d consume warm legume goo from morning till noon – I’ll vacuum up volumes of legume goo on you if you want me too June.

 

June swooned, “Oooou dearest baboon – Your legume consuming makes my womb fume!” “Oh, Please festoon me in legume goo at your nearest opportune.”

 

Soon June and her new bridegroom were on their honeymoon in East Calhoun - the Capital of Legume consuming (according to Pat Boon).

 

In their private room at the hotel Brigadoon the baboon entombed June in warm legume goo and vacuumed-up every bit in one booming VROOM!!

 

June enjoyed the legume vacuuming but was unammused by the babooning, so she dumped the loon.

 

Soon June open a legume vacuum showroom. Denise Witherspoon and Vidal Sassoon were soon in tune with June and endorsed her new super zoomy chatruse legume vacuums - with optional baboon costume.

 

June’s Business boomed with such high volumes of legume vacuums being consumed that June made a boon! 

 

Now a wealthy old tycoon, June is a happily wrinkled rich old prune ….